Second Child Syndrome

Salam..

Korang pernah tak alami pengalaman begini. Sebab saya memang sedang mengalaminya dan sedang berusaha mengatasi masalah ini. Moga bermanfaat buat semua.

Second Child Syndrome Explained

According to a famous Austrian psychologist, Alfred Adler, certain character traits of a child depend on the birth order, i.e. whether he was the first-born or the second-born child in the family. These character traits are more likely if he has been a victim of the second or middle child syndrome, the psychological impact of being the second-born in the family. Why does a child develop this condition?

Normally, with the first child, everything is new, every experience is unique. As a parent, you are naturally driven to capture every moment, to applaud every achievement, and to generally create beautiful memories with the apple of your eye. Then, when your second child arrives, the experience is not so new. You've been there, done that. So what if your second child stood up for the first time, you've seen that before. However, it is still a first for him, isn't it? But because you've seen all this you probably fail to recognize this, and many more such achievements throughout, that makes him feel less recognized and unworthy. He may thus, also begin to develop resentful feelings for his sibling, which may lead to sibling rivalry.

Another reason for this condition is the age difference between both your children. You may not be able to manage bringing up two children, sending one to school while ensuring the younger one has had his meal on time. Managing these tasks among the various aspects of parenting becomes difficult, which is why you are unable to pay attention to your little one even if you want to. You may find yourself taking him along everywhere, while you drop your older one for various preschool activities. The whole task may, thus, have a negative effect on both, you and your child.

Second Child Characteristics

Because you can't seem to show the same excitement about your second child, as you do with your first-born, he/she is likely to develop certain 'second child traits' so that your attention will be drawn towards them.

• They may not respond to your bout of affection as a way of probably making you feel guilty about not giving them enough time. However, don't let this demotivate you. They want it much more than you could imagine.
• They are likely to do things that get them into trouble, simply as a way of seeking attention from you. Don't allow it all the time, but don't constantly reprimand them for it either.
• Your second child definitely hates a comparison to his older sibling. You simply must not say 'why can't you be like your brother/sister?', because this will further instigate him to behave otherwise.
• You are bound to face a negative attitude, a lot of sarcasm, and persistent anger from them. However, maintain your patience in such situations. These are walls they have built around them, that you can break through only over time with lots of love and affection.
• Because of the ignorance they may have faced, a second child may not be very ambitious, thinking that his efforts are not going to be recognized anyway. A second child may also face problems when it comes to dealing with pressure.
• Not every second child may behave in the aforementioned manner, but it is one of the fairly common behavioral problems in children that you may have to deal with. The second child tends to be a loner, and may not be very great with intimate relationships. He may not value them as much as his older sibling does, and this may manifest into commitment problems in the future.

The very fact that you are reading this write up is evidence that you are aware of the existence of such a condition in your little one. The only thing that can break through this barrier is your attention and love for him. Remember, your second child is as much your own as your first child, and is therefore, entitled to the exact amount of attention you give your first child. It may take a little time and effort, but dealing with the second child syndrome is something you must do, in order to prevent your little one from developing any emotional issues in the future.

By Puja Lalwani

Last Updated: 9/20/2011

Angka sembilan.

Alhamdulillah hari ini genaplah sembilan tahun Alya dilahirkan. Selamat hari lahir sayang. Mama sentiasa doakan yang terbaek untuk kakak. I love u!

Back to school

Salam..

Dah sebulan anak-anak skolah barula mama hegeh-hegeh nak hapdet. Bukan apa bile mula skola otomatik mama pon dah tak de masa senggang *lapang*. Mula dari celik mata pepagi sampai la malam. Ada jek aktiviti. Tambah-tambah taon ni aisyah plak sekolah. Jenuh nak melayan kerenah sorang-sorang tiap pagi. Walaupon dah sebulan, mama korang ni masih lagi tak dapat nak adapt ngan jadual waktu harian. Sokmo lewat. Apa pun semoga mama cepat-cepat dapat membiasakan diri dengan jadual waktu baru ini hehe.

Koleksi gambar hari pertama aisyah kat sekolah.

Orentasi sekolah agama.

Mama support dari luau tingkap sekolah aje.

Sekolah Pagi (sekolah kebangsaaan)

Masa rehat. Awal-awal ni tak de kawan. Siyan makan sorang.

Skodeng aisyah buat lawatan sekitar skolah.

Cikgu adalah ketua rombongan memperkenalkan kawasan sekolah.

Perhimpunan pagi.

Asam pedas Tulang

Ni adalah entri lama yang saya terlupa nak publish. Haha..

Musim raya korban punya cerita lah ni. Banyak sangat orang sedekah daging ngan tulang dan macam-macam resepi jugak dah saya masak. Ini adalah belen tulang yang akhir. Nampak sodap tak? Kalau dah orang melake memang tak leh dipisahkan ngan asam podeh. Haha...

Entri pertama

Salam,

Wah..ini adalah entri pertama saya di taon duaribu doplas..lama kot tak hapdet. Tapi rasanya penah ada rekod lagi lama tak hapdet. Bukan tak de cerita cuma mood untuk menghapdet hilang secara tetiba. Alang-alang bos tak de nih boleh le mencurik tulang kejap *err bukan selalu ke*. Ye selalu tapi sekarang dah kurang sebab tulang dah semakin kurang untuk dicuri. Nampaknya azam saya masih tidak tertunai. Haishhh susahnya nak bagitau. Bak kata pepatah nak ditelan mati bapak diluah mati mak makanya simpan dalam mulut aje la. Yang pasti setiap yang berlaku telah ditentukan oleh Allah. Makanya lagi SABAR..SABAR..SABAR. Kurangkan emosi meroyan dan terima dengan redho insyaallah ada kelapangan hati.

Ada sesuatu yang saya terbaca tak lama dulu, teringin nak komen tapi biarlah komen di dalam hati saje. Kopipes dari Fatrina FB yang di postkan semula (re posted) dari dinding FB puan bos. Ehem...

"Ramai yg berdoa memohon keberkatan hidup tapi tak tahu nak mencari keberkatan di dalam kehidupan....apabila memegang suatu jawatan, jalankan tugas dengan penuh amanah & tanggungjawab pada tugas masing2. Bila rasa tak sesuai lagi bekerja, letak jawatan secara terhormat, macam mana masuk dengan baik, keluar cara baik. Jangan hanya tahu mengeluh bila kerja banyak, mengutuk majikan dan syarikat...tapi tak pula berhenti. Jangan hanya tahu komplen, tak puas hati macam2. Muhasabah & hisab diri dulu..dari masuk kerja hingga waktu pulang...setiap saat, minit & jam dah digunakan dengan amanah ke?! Ingat sama waktu sembang rabung kat talipon, chatting, facebooking, baca paper, hisap rokok, masuk toilet 1/2 jam dan macam2 .....adakah semua tu urusan & tanggungjawab tugas atau hal2 persendirian yg mengambil waktu berbayar syarikat. Bila rasa dah tak ada keserasian, sila letak jawatan. Cari keberkatan dalam hidup krn duit gaji yang dibayar..anak, suami isteri kita yg makan pakai. Umpama kita ludah dalam periuk nasi kita, nasinya tetap kita makan.....Fikir-fikirkanlah, kepada sesiapa yg termasuk di dalam golongan yg dimaksudkan."

Giler panjang status hahaha...

(gambar tiada kaitan, hanya sebagai penghias entri. Credit En Google)

Moralnya: Bukan pekerja saje yang perlu cari keberkatan, majikan juga. Tepuk dada tanya iman. Kenapa, mengapa....jawapannya ada dalam hati memasing. Sekian.